i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize