btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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