is your mom at the bar?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize