is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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