Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
then he tried to convert me to islam
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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