who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't make out with my wife yet
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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