there was a trapeze. enough said
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
