Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
