you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
