It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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