Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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