But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
