i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
