Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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