I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
