i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
