I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
