ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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