Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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