hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize