Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My room smells like vodka and shame
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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