Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
