I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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