after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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