Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize