I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
