That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
