I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
