i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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