I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
