see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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