Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
