Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
