Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
