so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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