did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my shit smells like andre
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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