Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize