Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
