There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
