Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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