Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
