im about as happy as oj after his trial
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
