if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize