Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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