I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
