It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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