I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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