Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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