thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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