Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
