Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My friends, they love my intelligence
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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