Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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