The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
