Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
