just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
