So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
