His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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