Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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