Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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