hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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