Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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