so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
