Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
