i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
