I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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