grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
