i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
