Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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