Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The air taste purple.
Randomize