You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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