her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
