she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
