I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
