Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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