What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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