I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
