if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
