I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
